Episode #604 "Red, White and Dick"

After attending a football game and observing how enthusiastically the crowd sang "The Star Spangled Banner," Dick observes that humans have a deep love for their country of origin. They'd better get with the program or they'll look very suspicious. He assigns Tommy the study of the documents that created this country. Harry will cover anthems and epic poetry. Sally will do a microfiche search. Harry is put in charge of equality, since clearly it is one of the foundations of this country. Mary contributes that America offers so many freedoms: press, speech, assembly. Her family came over on the Mayflower. Nina says her family came over on a different boat but surely hooked up with Mary's family shortly after they arrived. As equality leader, Harry makes rulings on everything from who gets new shoes to the size of their ice cream sundaes. In class, Dick demands that the students stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance. Sally is comfortable with the idea that all the aliens treating each other as equals, that decisions are being made for her. Tommy, however, is worried that their losing their individuality. They even address each other as numbers instead of names, and Harry makes a daily equality speech. Dick comments that they all look great in their gray uniforms and high heels. He tells the other aliens that he and Mary are on the same wave length. To Mary it doesn't matter if you're from Sweden or outer space as long as you're and American. At that point Tommy informs Dick that Dick's Canadian. It's on his passport. Tommy thought it would look weird if all four family members were from the same country. How, Dick asks, is he going to tell Mary that she's sleeping with the enemy? Later, Dick tries to engage Mary in conversation about Canada, everything from Celine Dion to Canadian bacon, but she doesn't respond. Meanwhile the Solomon home is looking a lot like the Soviet Union as Harry, taking his position of power way too seriously, has begun rationing household items. Tommy can't have toilet paper, because today Harry's distributing potatoes. Tommy demands toilet paper, and Harry offers a light bulb. Sally, who has sided with Harry, chastises Tommy when he dares to criticize the system. Dick comes in and tells everyone that they have to help him become an American citizen, but it's determined that he'll have to apply for citizenship. Harry and Sally have become so threatening that Tommy decides the only safe thing is to play the game. He loves America, and he loves Harry! Dick goes to take a citizenship test, but his chances don't look good. Tommy declares a revolution and makes such a moving speech that Harry goes over to his side. Sally threatens to kill both of them in their sleep. And when Dick tells Mary about his test and asks her some of the questions, it's evident that she doesn't know much either about this country's form of government.