Episode #401 "Where’s a Harpoon When You Need One?"

  Cybill and Maryann are celebrating the anniversary of Maryann’s divorce from Dr. Dick. Cybill sees that Maryann is weakening and takes it upon herself to keep her resistant to his letters, calls and gifts by constantly reminding her of the many times he cheated on her. Fortunately, Cybill is leaving to shoot exteriors for her cruise ship commercials and Maryann will be going with her. Dr. Dick, recognizing that Cybill has been in the way, visits her. Knowing full well that Cybill and Maryann have no secrets from each other, he gives Cybill a love letter for Maryann. He leaves it up to Cybill to give it to Maryann or not (even urging Cybill to read it for herself first), putting her in a lose-lose situation. If Cybill gives Maryann the letter, she might melt and return to Dick. If Cybill doesn’t, she has to face her conscience and the fear that Maryann will find out. Dick’s plan works. Cybill’s conflict causes her to bungle both options. She gives the letter to Maryann but only after trying to conceal it. When Maryann discovers that Cybill has read the letter, she is incensed, despite Cybill’s protests that Dick had urged her to read it. Maryann accuses Cybill of trying to control her life and leaves. Thus, Dr. Dick has driven a wedge between the friends, weakening Cybill’s credibility, and making Maryann more receptive to his advances. But Maryann has more strength than we thought. She refuses to read the letter and shows up to see Cybill off on the cruise. They hastily reconcile as Cybill’s ship pulls away. Robert Stack appears on the dock as Cybill’s ship pulls away. He has come because Dr. Dick wants her back and she won’t speak to him. He has a copy of Dr. Dick’s letter and thinks Maryann owes it to herself to read it. Maryann agrees to talk to Dr. Dick if Robert Stack thinks he’s sincere. He reads the letter, but realizes that the picture enclosed is not Maryann. He discovers that the pattern of the sheets in the picture is "Floral Rhapsody" by Wamsutta, introduced in the spring of 1965. The picture is a fake. Dr. Dick is a fraud. Maryann got 15 acres in Lake Tahoe in her divorce settlement and Donald Trump is planning to build a casino there. The property is going to be worth a fortune, so if Dr. Dick and Maryann were to remarry… Maryann pledges her new hatred for Dr. Dick. As she leaves to tend to his new Bentley, he emerges from behind a stack of crates. Cybill, having jumped ship, climbs over the edge of the dock and tackles him. Maryann and Cybill enjoy refreshments in Maryann’s living room when tear gas is pumped in through the fireplace. They race to the front door to escape. The war is on! Cybill and Maryann go in search of a bag of killer bees and some barbecue sauce.