Episode #218 "Swearin’ To God"

Walt’s amazed when Sean announces that he’s the new president of the St. Finnian’s parents’ committee. Furthermore, Claudia’s doing a Martha Stewart act, Henry has the lead in the school play and Lily’s in the Sciencenauts. Walt wonders when this family turned into the Osmonds. Jimmy has some fun rearranging the letters on a sign at school that regularly features quotes (“Let’s put the ‘G’ back in TGIF”) that the kids think are lame. Sister Helen isn’t amused and assigns Jimmy detention for the next thirty days. Sean argues that humor is subjective, and Jimmy’s anagrams are funny. Besides, hasn’t she ever heard of free speech. Sean calls her Sister Stalin, and St. Helen’s response, rendered partly unintelligible by the roar of a scissor lift, is “f--- you!” Sean is stunned. Eight parents are meeting at the Finnerty house. Claudia is presiding, but Connie O’Keefe offers to walk her through things, since she’s new. Claudia says they’ll be doing things her way tonight. Sean tells Walt what happened with Sister Helen, and Walt’s convinced that Sister Helen would never curse. She must have said “forget you.” After sister Helen’s outburst, Sean is agape, and Sister Helen is mortified. Sean turns to a passing kid and announces that Sister Helen just cursed him out. Walt tells Sean to leave the poor nun along, but Sean protests that Sister Helen’s had it in for his family from day one, and, what’s worse, she always acts holier than thou. Now, of course, that’s all changed. When he tells Claudia, who always gets assigned the crappy jobs by the parents’ committee, he observes that if he could prove what Sister Helen said, he’d have her over a barrel and could use it to make things go their way for a change. Now Claudia’s chairing the parents’ meeting, and it’s her chance to get revenge. Sean tells Walt that Claudia’s in the power seat, because he got creative and proved that Sister Helen had cursed him out. First, he went to the confessional and tried to trick Father Matthew into admitting that Sister Helen had confessed to cursing. Father Matthew throws him out. Sean’s about to give up when he gets a call in the middle of the night from someone who says he can help. He meets the caller, who, it’s revealed, is Mr. Kersey, the science teacher. He’s resented Sister Helen for years. He refuses to inform, but gives Sean a key to the faculty lounge to prove that he has a friend on the inside. In return, Sean has to convince Lily to join the Sciencenauts. Sean confronts Sister Helen and says he has a witness from the faculty. She calls his bluff, and he produces the key to the faculty lounge. Sister Helen is clearly taken aback. She asks what Sean wants from her. This, Sean tells Walt, is how he got all the perks for his family. But there’s a knock at the door, and it’s Sister Helen. She tells Sean she’s sick of living in fear and offers him Monsignor Reilly’s phone number. She admits she’s not perfect, so Sean should go ahead and report her. Sean picks up the phone but can’t make the call. As she’s leaving, she tells Sean that Mr. Kersey would like his key back. She knew all along. Did he really think she’d let him call the monsignor? She admits that she had Kersey in her pocket the entire time, but it allowed them to come to an understanding and gave each of them a graceful way out. She tells the parents’ meeting that things are going back to the way they were.