Episode #319 "Claudia in Disguise (With Glasses)"

Lily's birthday is coming up and she's frustrated that Dean won't give her a hint about her present. She enlists Eddie's help to find out what Dean's getting her. She can then get used to the idea of how much it sucks, so she won't burst into tears on her birthday. Sean and Claudia come home from a wedding, and Claudia's disheveled and sporting a black eye. She swallowed her contact lens and her glasses were lost, so she went to the wedding blind as a bat. She spilled wine, set a centerpiece on fire and got smacked in the eye with a flying bridal bouquet. Worst of all, she comes home with the bride's purse containing the airline tickets for the honeymoon. Brad has started hanging around with Jimmy in an attempt to be close to Lily. Dean busts him and Jimmy offers no encouragement, but a determined Brad hangs in. Their insurance is about to run out, so Sean takes the boys and Lily to the doctor and dentist in a last ditch attempt to save some money. Eddie says Sean must have been glad that Claudia didn't wear her glasses to the wedding. He reminds Sean that Claudia wore glasses in high school, and they weren't great. Eddie tells Lily that she's getting a boom box from Dean for her birthday. Lily insists that Eddie tell Dean to get her something else. He has to promise. Her sixteenth birthday is the most important day of her life! Lily asks Brad why he's hanging around. It's making her uncomfortable. He's hanging out with his buddy Jimmy, Brad tells her. Eddie tells Dean to get Lily a locket. Dean needs to trust him. It's romantic, and Dean will thank him later. Dean's okay with it. Jimmy's messing around with the VCR that seems to be jammed. Sean tells him to get away from it. But Jimmy pulls out the tape and then pulls out Claudia's mangled red glasses. Claudia asks Sean if he knew the glasses were there. Sean quickly exits. Eddie reports in to Lily, but she says it can't be just any locket and gives Eddie explicit instructions for Dean. Eddie just stares at her. Claudia asks Sean why he would he break her glasses? What was he thinking? He didn't want to break them, just hide them. He wanted to have the hottest wife at the wedding. When he saw her in her glasses, he just reacted. He couldn't just tell her, because she can't take constructive criticism. What's Sean gonna be like when her hair turns gray, Claudia wonders. What if she gains a few pounds? Maybe Sean better get started on his personal ad. Would Sean want to know if something about him was less than perfect? But, Claudia says, she doesn't look at Sean with a critical eye; she looks at him and sees her husband and the father of her children. Later, Sean tells Eddie that he can't help it. He doesn't want Claudia to look like some old lady in glasses. Eddie reminds him that he's always had bad associations with glasses-babysitters, nurses, cafeteria ladies. Sean doesn't want to think about mom, Claudia, glasses and sex all in one thought! Dean shows Eddie the locket he bought, and Eddie finds it disappointing. He informs Dean that they're going shopping at the mall-together! Jimmy finally has had enough of Brad and tells him to get lost. Sean finds Claudia's glasses from high school and shows them to her. They're horrible, Claudia admits. She's going to order some new contacts. And Lily goes crazy over her locket from Dean, and he's smug. He knows what she likes!