Episode #409 "Can’t Get Next to You"

When Sean finds Brad’s underwear mixed in with their clean laundry, he tells Claudia things have gone too far. He thinks this calls for “forbidding.” Claudia’s dad did that, she reminds Sean, and it didn’t work out too well. Jimmy comes in from school and announces that everyone at school was made to sign an abstinence pledge-no sex before marriage. Brad and Lily enter. Lily can believe Brad is taking the pledge so seriously. Walt comes in and presents Brad with the underpants from the laundry. Brad reminds Lily that Sister Helen said the pledge will help them make smart choices. It’s meaningless, says Lily. She signed hers “Christina Aguilera.” But Sean sees an excellent opportunity to do a head trip on Brad. You don’t break a promise to God, Sean tells him. It’s Sunday morning and the Finnertys are going to church. Walt tells Jimmy that abstinence means more than just giving up sex with another person. Jimmy should think about it. Sean tells Eddie that Claudia has been after him for years to go to church. Claudia’s just happy to be doing something as a family that doesn’t involve the emergency room. Sean admits to Eddie that actually he’s using church to lay a guilt trip on Brad. Later Brad tells Lily they can’t hang out, because it may lead to temptations of the flesh. She reminds him of all the places they fool around. Brad can’t stand it. He asks Lily to marry him. Lily doesn’t know what’s gotten into Brad until he tells her what Sean’s been saying to him about hell. Lily protests to Sean that Brad won’t come near her, because he thinks he’s going to burn in hell. It’s merely spiritual guidance that he’s been giving Brad, Sean tells her. Lily gets Brad to propose again, and this time she accepts. Claudia’s dumbfounded, but Sean’s sure that Lily’s bluffing. Lily says they should get married tomorrow, and Sean pretends to go along with it. At church, Sister Helen’s astonished to see the Finnertys. She thinks maybe their car broke down outside, but Sean assures her they’re there for the service. Back at the house, Claudia warns Sean to stop pushing Lily or she may just go through with the wedding. Lily’s a stubborn girl. But Sean refuses to back down. Later, Lily comes down the stairs wearing Claudia’s old wedding dress. Claudia’s had it. She tells Lily that there will be no wedding. Lily reminds her that Sean gave his blessing. Sister Helen comes in, and Lily asks her to be part of the wedding. Sister Helen won’t be part of this charade. Marriage is sacred and shouldn’t be mocked. Brad starts to quote from the pledge. The pledge is ridiculous, says Sister Helen, although abstinence as a concept is worth aspiring to. Aspiring, Brad and Lily assure her, is something they can handle.