Episode #303 "Too Old To Trick Or Treat, Too Young To Die"

The kids are watching a Hitchcock Halloween movie marathon in the Forman basement. Fez runs in wearing a Dr. Frankenfurter costume from "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Everyone wishes he'd put on a few more clothes. Eric complains that there's nothing to do; they're too old to Trick or Treat. Donna suggests there may be something fun the two of them can do, but Eric says he doubts it. An annoyed Donna wonders if that means he's already bored with his girlfriend. Kelso says it would really be fun if they were in the middle of a Hitchcock movie right now without knowing it. Fez grabs the Superball that Eric has been bouncing and runs outside; Eric, in hot pursuit, chases Fez up onto the garage roof. Eric loses his balance and grabs the gutter to keep from falling off the roof; Fez attempts to give him a hand and falls to the ground. (Tributes to five Hitchcock films follow: "Rear Window," "Vertigo," "The Birds," "Psycho" and "North By Northwest.") Fez sits in a wheelchair with a sprained ankle. Kitty tells Eric that he must have a touch of vertigo and should stay away from heights. Kitty observes that something strange is going on next door. Bob says Midge isn't home, but her car is there. In fact, Kitty hasn't seen Midge for days. Eric gives Fez some binoculars saying that Fez can look into the Pinciotti house and with any luck at all he'll see Midge naked. Kitty says the crazy bird lady next door is away on a cruise, and she's going over to feed the birds. On entering the house she opens a cage, a bird flies out , immediately crashes into a window and falls dead. Kitty picks up the bird while all the other birds stare at her malevolently. Kitty gets scared and rushes out of the house. Kelso answers the door at the Forman house and is confronted by an angry paperboy who hasn't be paid in a couple of weeks. Thinking Kelso is Mr. Forman, the paperboy demands his money. Kelso says he isn't Forman but the paperboy isn't buying it. Kelso manages to distract him and shuts the door. Fez hasn't seen Midge but he has seen Bob dragging big heavy garbage out of the house. Fez observes that since nobody has seen Midge for a couple of days, maybe Bob killed her and put her in the bags. Kitty returns, upset, and says she needs someone to feed the birds who won't be shaken in the face of evil. Laurie agrees to do it for ten dollars. The paperboy is still after Kelso who keeps protesting that he's not a Forman. A concerned Donna asks Jackie if she thinks Donna's boring. Jackie says Donna's a nice, flat dull shade of gray. Laurie goes back to feed the birds and is horrified when one of them poops on her arm. Laurie runs out of the house leaving the cages open. Eric tells Fez he thinks something's going on at the Pinciottis. He called Donna to apologize and she was mysterious, saying she has lots of secrets. Eric looks through the binoculars and sees a hot blonde in the Pinciotti's den. She pulls down her sunglasses, and Eric sees that it's Donna. She exits, and Eric tells Fez and Hyde that he's going to follow her. Hyde picks up the binoculars and sees Bob in a gut-covered apron holding a big carving knife. The paperboy scares Kelso badly, dive bombing him with a remote control model airplane. Kelso falls on his face, and the paperboy pulls Kelso's wallet out of his pocket and takes his $2.50 plus a 50 cent tip. Hyde goes over to the Pinciottis to investigate while Fez watches through the binoculars. Hyde grabs two beers and bends over and starts to moon Fez. The kitchen door opens, and Hyde runs out. Bob looks out the window and sees Fez. Both Kelso and Laurie need a shower but Kelso gets there first. Laurie pulls back the curtain and hits him repeatedly with a bath brush. Laurie then flushes the toilet and Kelso screams as the hot water hits him. He spills Laurie's raspberry shampoo, and the blood-red liquid swirls down the drain. Bob rushes into Eric's bedroom and Fez grabs a flash camera and blinds Bob who staggers as the flashbulbs go off. Fez screams for help and says Bob can't kill him like he killed Midge. Bob says Midge is in Chicago visiting her sister . But what was in the garbage bags? Garbage. What about the knife? Bob was carving a jack-o'-lantern. Kitty is back in the bird lady's living room and sees that the birds are all out of their cages. They start dive-bombing her when she sees a phone booth conveniently located in a corner. She runs inside as the birds dive-bomb and peck the glass. Eric follows Donna to the water tower and climbs up after her. He has another attack of vertigo but continues to climb. When he reaches Donna, she says he's an ass; she's not boring! She's carrying a basket, and Eric says he hopes there isn't a head in it. Actually there's a picnic, and Donna's his Halloween mystery date.